Self-care, or self-sabotaging? My procrastination story.
In the last few months, I feel like my procrastination is out of control, I’m losing my mind. I planned so many things. But when I start to doing the tasks, suddenly this lazymind told me, “No need to rush, you can do it later. You have plenty of times right now.”. It’s all what my head told me. No deadline, no worries. As long as there’s no clear deadline for the tasks I’m doing, I tend to relax, freely doing my hobbies, enjoy the time as you only live once and neglecting the important tasks. Labeling this as my ‘self-care’ form.
But, right after this ‘self-care’ become my habit, I start to feel that there’s something wrong. It feels like as if all my goals will only be achieved if there’s a clear deadline. Without deadline, I seemed to stuck when faced with an important task (I keep using word ‘deadline’ as an excuse to my laziness lol). I feel trapped in the pattern which made what I planned before, missed from what I expected to be.
Then suddenly, this question pop up in my head: “Why do I keep doing this?”.
. . .
One day, when I scroll through instagram feeds, I found @justgirlproject ‘s post about self-sabotaging.
SIGNS YOU ARE ‘self-sabotaging’:
· You’re “too busy” to figure out how to manage your time better
· You procrastinate often
· You end a relationship once it gets serious
· You tell yourself you don’t need a break when you really do
· You start more project than you have time to finish
· You’re afraid to ask for help
It made me think, am I sabotaging myself? But how do I know if I’m really sabotaging myself? Then I’d google it to find out more. According to Healthline.com, “Self-sabotage refers to behaviors or thought patterns that hold you back and prevent you from doing what you want to do.”
Then I realized that my ‘self-care’ had turned to self-sabotage. The little things that I categorize as self-care turns out being a reason to postpone the important tasks I should’ve done in the first place. In the end it holds me back from achieving my goals. This ain’t good. Certain patterns of behavior have become more harmful than helpful and I should change the old formula to get a different result in these days!
I remember, my bestie once told me this quote:
“You must take the choice, to take a chance, if you want anything in life to change.”
This time when I re-read this quote, it hits different. It made me realize that I should take a choice, not just stuck in this pattern of behavior. So I made up my mind: I need to be better.
First, I gotta admit that this isn’t self-care; but self-sabotaging. So, I’m gonna stop this self-sabotaging loop. Next, I identify what I really want in life and ensure myself that I act in a appropriate way to achieve my goals. I choose to crystal-clear what I want because I want to change my life to a better one. Though it’s hard, but you gotta do what is right, not what is easy.
If you can’t find a door, make your own. It’s all in your hands.
